i just had dinner with Rumble and we decided that if we're still single at 50, we're getting married. this might not be true. he said, "we can always do that thing where, we can get married if we're still single at 50."

i will be 50 before Rumble.

dinner was good. 

he gave me advice.

i liked it.

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training: went to gym. lots of weights. lots of miles. i'm working on my triceps. the bastards.

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poetry is... well. after this weekend with alli, brandon, and chall... i'm simultaneously dying to write and feeling like i should become a professional boxer.

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whiskey is good for cleansing. [did ken suggest that? chris?] i feel... like starting again.

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i slept in until 7:30 this morning. it felt damn good.

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my reading in SF at the PC is at 4:30. sigh. i'm happy to be reading with Jules Boykoff and to be in SF again. but ... that start time means none of my friends will be there. sigh.

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i'm writing a novel about my mother. in a way. about a version of my mother that was not my mother but could have been my mother. my mother was bipolar. she was hard for me to get on with. my little sister got on with her best of all. but, me. i learned from my mother how to be a chameleon. i learned how to disappear. i want to not disappear anymore. even if it is painful. it is only really painful when i'm NOT. when i am. i'm all good.