i have to admit, i am in a bit of terror this morning... about going to work. firstly, that i will find i don't really have a job. i was out sick yesterday and i have a sinking feeling that maybe i just didn't get laid off because i wasn't there and so, today, i will be.
i am assured that my name is on the new organizational chart.
secondly, with 7 people gone and half my dept... it will feel sad & scary. not the joyful, fun, let's go get some starbucks and figure out these items... place it was. there are two of us now. we work well together, at least, but we are both grieving. and we are both now buried in work.
i have not been working on my novel, at least, not on the computer, but in my mind, yes.
yesterday was kind of a wash, but, in some ways, it was a very good day, because i was forced to face some scary possibilities and create a plan of action, as they say. i feel good enough to know that i have a couple of places to stay should things get really bad and i have to give up my flat, i have degrees and a book that should, i would hope, at least get me some work, and, the funny thing is, this last one here reassured me most of all:
i am a writer and i am writing and will continue to be that and do that no matter what.
it is tough to be 'all alone in the world,' as that old mary tyler moore movie [yes, i thought she was a babe when i was a wee child] trope repeats, but, it is also easier. at least i don't have to worry about children or a partner needing my income. just, two dogs that have a co-parent who is a little more assured of income, being a Duke PhD candidate, than i may be. i know nothing will happen to them.
not too long ago the world felt so ... full of hope.
not that i've lost hope, but, when it hits you and yr friends, the NEWScasts....